Another Lame Idea

So what about a place for budding comedians to try their hands at spoofing the news.

We'll call it the Green Onion.

These are the kinds of thoughts I have when I'm alone in the afternoon and the power goes out.

New Ad Campaign

So how about a series of ads brought to you by the National Council for Practitioners of Chiropractic Medicine where people tell their stories about how they injured themselves.

"I fell off a roof," says an aging carpenter.

"I was just joking around with my boyfriend. We were wrestling." admits a tender young woman.

"I was trying out for the wrestling team, and practiced on my girlfriend. Naked." says a far-too proud young man.

We'll call it "Back Stories"! Get it?

Think about it, won't you?

These are the kinds of thoughts that run through my head when the internet's out.

- Joel

Abandoned Vitamins

It never fails that shoppers in the store where I work will shift their priorities and make "orphans" out of items they decide not to buy mid-store. Orphans, a.k.a. re-shops, are a consistent problem at my store and take up a good chunk of employee productivity as someone has to put them back. They also cost us a lot when the item that is dropped off is perishable or, God forbid, frozen. Imagine finding a tub of ice cream on the potato chip aisle... every third day or so. It adds up.
The other day, I found a package of multi-vitamins left on a display rack in the bakery. A display rack that held package after package of brownies. Now I have to wonder, did the person just say to themselves, "Aw hell, who needs Vitamin C anyways?" and just go for the rich, fudge-drenched goodness, or were there economic concerns at stake here? "I ain't paying eight dollars for this Centrum when I can get over two pounds of chocolatey goodness for the same price!"
These are the things I think about when I realize that I'll go mad if I don't have some sort of intellectual stimulation at work.